Balada kamar mandi (iii): speak up the monologue
by nuzuli ziadatun ni'mah
After so many monologues I’ve done while taking a bath, maybe this one is worth to tell to you. This is a letter to you, just another one that I can’t say it dirrectly.
It’s all begin with ‘once upon a time’, one day when I began to feel something toward you, years ago. This love story is unlike a fairytale, which always have a happy end. But, someone said that if it doesn’t end happily, so maybe this one is not the end.
It’s time for me to say ‘good bye‘ my dear. After all these time of loving and caring, maybe you never realized that those all are trully came from the deepest of my heart. Maybe you never see the true feeling of me, or maybe it’s just simply didn’t touch your heart.
I once thought that letting you would be very hard to do, I once thought that I would never did it. But finally the time is come, and yes, good bye my dear. If I think about it, I’ll just say that love is a weird thing. The letter that I wrote to you a month ago still placed safe in my bag, and maybe it will never be handed to you.
Everything after this will never be the same. The way I talk to you, even more maybe I don’t even can considered you as a friend. For some times, we’ll just be like strangers. Even now, I can’t talk while look dirrectly at you eyes.
I often having solo trips, going to many places which once we have ever been there, while having monologues about my feeling toward you. And so, let me say thanks to you. We may not having a real relationship, of being friend or evenmore, but loving you gave me so much things to think about. I learned many things from you, about life, about our surrounding. Also, sorry for treated you unkindly. Maybe many of my acts have once hurt you without I realized it.
Maturity my dear, made me slowly letting you go. You deserve to follow your own path, while I follow mine. We may will meet again, but whatever happen next, I hope I’ll can say ‘nice to see you again’ with smile. Don’t let the fear of facing bifurcation point stop your steps, because we all will face it.
Last but not the least, this all words are about you. Hope you have a time to read this all. 🙂