before the beauty matter

by nuzuli ziadatun ni'mah

I recommended you to read my latest post before this, because it’s a little important for preface.

Here, I was thinking that my statements seems like I thought that beauty is everything. No, that’s not. I just wanted to give more attention to this (eww, my English is seriously bad, sorry for that).

I mean, I often thinking bad to someone which wasn’t look good or gorgeous. It’s not fair, but somehow I just couldn’t stop to think about that. Maybe I didn’t say it directly to the person, but just by thought about it, I felt shame over myself.

The ‘attention’ that I mentioned in my previous paragraph is that, sometimes people really need to upgrade their self, and one of the options is to be more beautiful. This upgrading action is by changing their physical appearance or just changing their style. To be honest, I was once really refuse that thing, but lately, I realized that since I’m not the main actress of the world then I couldn’t say that easily.

Some people really care about appearance; what we wear, our makeup, our accessories, and every detail of us. I even had a debate about appearance with my mother this noon, and I just like giving ‘don’t care’ face and yeah, finished conversation.

Let’s forget about this beauty matter first, and talk about something else.

By the way, a few minutes ago I saw someone post this sentence;

I born to be real, not to be perfect

Here, I found that the most important part of our life (or maybe just mine) is to answer the question of who we are. Before we can answer it, all that we’ve done really meant nothing. We just follow the stream and do not know how to go upstream or to enter some eddies to take a rest. When we can’t answer, we lost our path.

That’s a little different from people who wander. They sometimes lost their path, but then they made it by them self. They build their own heavenly territory and seek for their own comfort zone, take a little rest and continue their journey.

What a wonderful life of a wanderer.

Oh, let me change the subject to myself rather than our self.

I thought about my life over and over. I remembered all of my previous phase of life before now. I read all of my diaries in case to find out what was my biggest dream, and how could I end up in this place.

That’s make me finally decided not to upgrade myself before I can answer the question of who I am. Maybe I’ll just follow the stream, but not really sure how long it will be.

Sometimes come a question to me; why do I make my life seems too complex? Besides, the life itself is really fun and full of happiness and surprises. Everybody live their life in smile, even when they have problem (they really have some, right?). I’m also not the most important part of this world, then why should I think about this so much?

Imagine if there was no me in this world, will there be a world?

When I thought that I was the only one who saw through my eyes, and felt everything with my senses, I couldn’t stop to imagine if there was no me in this world. Who will be the one who said to me that this world really existed? Who will say that Earth is the only place where life is exists? Do I really want to know that? Or those are only come from a human so that I’ll never think that way if I am a spirit (or I even cannot think).