the needs to redefine the meaning of love

by nuzuli ziadatun ni'mah


So, tonight I was intended to think about the more philosophical view of feeling, more intensely to the love matter. It’s quite more interested in me to seek the definition of it from the new point of view. What kind of conditions that could refer to it? That is maybe the start point of these paragraphs.

I was questioning myself, about why did I describe the feeling that I felt as a kind of ‘love’? Actually, I’m not sure about it, because neither the definition is steady enough to be generally agreed by people, nor the feeling itself is not the love, they differ in some ways that I would like to describe latter.

Feelings, we know that it is the effects and impacts of some conditions to self. You could feel happy, sad, worry, unsure, confident, etc, because of something. This something may be an action, a visual, a thought, a will, a dream, or many other forms. But love, in my opinion, is not one of that because of some people more likely to refer to all of those feelings when they refer to love matter. So, does the love could be defined as a feeling too, or is it something else?

It is maybe could be defined as a condition of determining the core of continuity of relation, or condition of continuous-relating self to others in intense interpersonal relation, or in contrast a condition of admiring someone without having any deep relations instead.

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Here I find out that the draft hasn’t been posting days ago. And since I was intended to write in English, I think this would need more effort to continue, hehe. Jadi, saya lanjutkan dalam bahasa Indonesia aja yaa.

Perkara ini sepertinya memang cukup sering saya bahas, dan hingga sekarang masih pula belum selesai. Dalam refleksi saya terakhir mengenai pernikahan, saya pikir saya akhirnya berkesimpulan bahwa saya salah besar. Perkara menikah tidak mungkin saya lakukan secara random dengan siapapun. Beruntung sekali banyak peristiwa reflektif yang terjadi pada saya akhir-akhir ini, sehingga saya bisa memiliki lebih banyak waktu untuk memikirkan banyak hal. Tidak mudah menerima orang lain lagi ketika urusan kita belum selesai benar dengan seseorang.

Sebagaimana pertanyaan mengenai bagaimana rasa bermula, begitu juga ada pertanyaan mengenai kenapa rasa bisa bertahan? Jika jawabannya ada pada harapan, pada utopia, atau pada masokisme, pun saya rasa tidak demikian keadaannya.

Saya kadang berharap mendapatkan pernyataan jujur atas rasa itu dari orang-orang yang menjadi teman-teman diskusi saya. Banyak yang akhirnya mentok pada dua perkara itu, seolah sulit sekali mengidentifikasinya. Mungkin, sebenarnya mudah saja jawaban itu keluar, tapi bisa jadi ada semacam penolakan pengungkapan agar rasa itu dipandang jauh lebih tinggi daripada sekedar karena ‘kenyamanan’, ‘kecocokan’, atau alasan sejenisnya. Atau, bisa jadi memang alasan itu tidak mampu teridentifikasi karena kompleksitasnya yang semakin tinggi.

Kadang saya berpikir, kenapa mencintai orang lain serumit ini, atau sesakit ini. Padahal ada orang lain yang mudah saja berpindah orang, mudah saja berhubungan dengan orang lain, mudah saja menerima orang baru, dan seterusnya. Tapi sekalipun muncul orang baru yang saya kagumi, tentu saja tidak serta merta saya bisa berkata saya mencintainya, atau menyukainya. Tidak begitu.

Di samping itu, ketika rasa yang saya pikir sudah terlalu dalam dan menyakitkan tak juga mampu saya selesaikan, kadang muncul hal-hal yang merusak diri sendiri. Bisikan-bisikan semacam “ternyata saya tak berguna untukmu”, “ternyata saya bukan siapa-siapa”, “toh aku pergi juga tak jadi soal”, dan sebagainya menjadi hal-hal yang saya upayakan untuk menghapus perasaan itu. Toh tidak berhasil benar. Membicarakan ini memang tampak begitu banal, tapi justru di sini lah letak salah satu bentuk kemanusiaan kita.

So, instead of a feeling, love is a certain condition. And beside of being disturbed by the love, I think someone has to be grateful of being loved by others. The case is how you tell him/her about yours. Maybe in some cases, being loved by others is rather uncomfortable (especially in my case), but at the end, you’ll realize that just like you, there is someone who’s struggling with his/herself too. So, instead of making him/her takes more struggles, just tell about yours, whether you love him/her back or not. Chasing on someone is not fun, but raising the love over someone is really fun.

One day, there will be a time when my leaving is a must. Maybe my reflective part of this matter is something deep, but in praxis, I’m a person who couldn’t do what I really wanted do. Oh, what a shame of me. Being honest with self is the hardest part of life I think, there we struggling on our problems and thoughts, determining the best action that we could do without any regrets. Finally, a person is really a human, after all. They are just like us, like you, like her, like everyone in this world.

wordsflow

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